ENDING THE ONLINE DATING
RELATIONSHIP - GET LOST, SWEETIE!
With online dating you know very well that not everyone who responds to your profile will
interest you. How do you end things before they start? Here are some
suggestions. Chose the one or two that seem right to you:
1. Don't respond to the next contact.
2. Become scarce until they lose interest.
3. Sound uninterested and then ignore them.
4. Say you are disinterested clearly, diplomatically, and as soon as
possible.
5. Point out something specific in their profile that doesn't work for
you: "I
don't date people who have kids," or are divorced, or are long-distance,
etc.
6. Tell the truth.
7. "Let's just be friends."
8. "Thank you for your note. I am not available at present. Hope you
find
your real mate soon."
9. "I'm already writing too many people, but thank you."
10. "I'm not interested, thank you."
11. "You're not my type."
12. "Sorry, I realized that I am not over my last partner yet. I am not
ready for
a new relationship."
13. "I don't think a relationship with you would meet my most important
needs."
14. "I'm not really interested in pursuing this, but it was nice to meet
you."
15. "It was very nice to meet you, but I don't feel any chemistry
between us. I
hope you find someone that you connect with."
16. "It was nice to meet you, but it's not a good fit for me. Best of
luck in your
search."
17. "Sorry, I'm going to be really busy for awhile."
18. "I believe you are a very nice person, but I don't think we would
connect
face-to-face. I wish you luck!"
19. Compliment them but then explain, "I have gotten back into a
relationship
with someone I met before you-sorry."
20. "Thank you for your interest, I am flattered by the compliment.
However, I
am interested in someone else at this time. I wish you all the luck in
finding someone who is compatible with you."
21. "Thank you for writing. I'm seeing several people right now and do
not
have time for more."
22. "Critical Differences. Thank you."
23. "I already found someone."
24. "I'm gay."
25. "You are not what I am looking for."
26. "I'm going to be out of town for a while."
27. "Thank you, but I've stopped looking for love on the Internet."
28. "I'm married."
29. "You live in Spain and I live in Nevada, so it won't work."
30. "I'm not interested in getting serious right now. Let's cool it
before things
progress."
31. "I'm looking for someone younger."
32. "I'm looking for someone older."
33. "Thank you, but no thank you. Good luck."
34. In order not to hurt their feelings, mention things about yourself
that they
won't like: "I don't believe in God or marriage, and I think drug
legalization
is the way to go."
35. Send them the "vibe."
36. Block them out of your instant messenger program.
37. Change your online name.
38. Disappear.
39. Decline to meet them.
40. Tell them you "suddenly have to go," and click off of instant
messenger.
41. Tell them your computer keeps crashing.
42. "I'm very flattered but I'm looking for something a little
different."
43. "Sorry, this doesn't feel like a match. Good luck on your journey!"
44. Put a stopper to romantic or sexy talk.
45. "I'm sorry, you seem like a really nice person, but I'm not
interested."
46. "Sorry, it is not working out. I don't want to hurt you and lead you
on.
Good luck and I am sure you will find someone."
47. "No, thank you. Please don't ask again."
Imagine how it would feel if some of those lines were sent to you.
Always be kind and gentle even if you are not treated with the same
understanding. Always do things that will
make you proud of yourself.
> Men, a woman loves candy and flowers… speak
of them once in a while.
THESE ARE GOOD!
One of the online dating services asked their members, "What makes a
great boy/girlfriend?" Here are some of the responses:
Someone who knows what you need before you say it.
Someone who knows when to laugh and when to cry.
Someone who truly listens when you have something to say.
Someone that's there for you during the good and bad times.
Someone who is caring .
Someone who loves you with all their heart and soul.
Someone who is interested in reality and not as a fashion display.
Someone who is honest.
Someone you can trust them like a sibling, confide in like a friend but
most of all, love as the great lover they are.
Someone who is open and responsive.
Someone who is never critical and ill-tempered in respect to your needs.
Someone who knows when things have to be compromised in the
relationship.
Someone who's there for you no matter what.
Someone who is trustful.
Someone who is a friend.
Someone who gives a shoulder to cry on.
Someone with a great sense of humor.
Someone who has things in common with you.
Someone who takes time to listen and enjoy you for who.
Someone who will always be there to support your ideas without argument
and love you for everything that you are.
Someone that can get a point across without yelling.
Someone that remembers all the cute stupid stuff you love.
Someone that has a personality with qualities you don't have yourself,
but admire greatly in them.
Someone who realizes you're two separate people, and appreciates the
differences.
Someone who can sense a mood problem, and not take it personally.
Someone who understands the difference between PMS, and a real problem.
Someone who can make you happy when your sad.
Someone who tells you the truth even if you don't want to hear it.
Someone who will not hurt you intentionally.
Someone who is a sweet, romantic person who cherishes you no matter
what.
Someone that you can laugh with.
Someone who you can feel comfortable with and that you don't care what
kind of weird stuff they see you do because you know they will still
love you no matter what.
Someone who will love you in spite of your little idiosyncrasies.
Someone that would do anything to show how much they care.
Someone who is a great pal, a great kisser, and a great lover!
Someone who allows you to be yourself around them.
Someone who will respect you.
Someone who cherishes your hopes and is kind to your dreams.
Someone who knows you're not perfect, but treats you as though you are.
Someone who listens with their heart and is your source of inspiration.
Wouldn't it be great if we all could live up to those expectations? At
least we can try!
> The early part of my marriage was wonderful.
The trouble started later, when we were leaving the church.
MARRIED MEN AND ONLINE DATING
The following is presented with the married male in mind, but it is not
unheard of for a married woman to be looking for a little online
excitement. Both men and women should be on guard.
Cyber dating seems to bring out the worst in some people. Online dating
can allow a man to hide his marital status and prowl for the
unsuspecting sexual partner.
MSNBC research shows that one third of people using online dating
services are married! And it doesn't help when some dating sites do not
differentiate between divorced and separated, making it even more
convenient for a man to lie about his marital status.
While there are no fail-safe ways to determine if a man is married, here
are a few tips that may help:
Most married men don't post a photo. They won't risk being spotted by
someone they know. Instead of posting a photo online, they may offer to
email a picture to your personal email address. It is not likely that
you know someone who would recognize them.
Mr. Married will likely be the one to initiate the first contact. Online
dating sites make it very easy for both men and women to make the first
contact. In most cases, the married man will send the first chat message
or a short email.
Married guy will often use a short introduction and then immediately ask
you questions to better identify your personality type. They will very
rarely say much about themselves in the first contact. Some married men
tend to have a 'type' that they are looking for, but most of them just
seek out anyone interesting and willing.
The trusting and naïve are often easily manipulated. There are
"professional married men' who have experience with online dating and
deception. They've developed all the right questions to ask. They use
the first few communications to determine if they have an easy target.
Married men have 'family lives', so they may not be as available or
respond to you as quickly as men who are single with more available
time.
If he seems to be responding at regular times, such as 9 PM weekdays,
and the number of days between his contact vary, there is a possibility
that he has a family. Yes, it could also be that he is just a very busy
person with work and other life events. But, this is an important detail
that should sound a "be careful" alarm when communicating with someone
new..
Here's a red flag - he requests your phone number, but will not give you
his number. Married men often ask for your phone number shortly after
the first initial contact. He may use a line like "We could get to know
each other so much better if we could talk on the phone. What's your
number?"
If a new man requests your number, but does not offer his own in the
same message - don't give it! Ask that he share his number with you
first. Some ladies give just a cell phone number, which is harder to
trace to for an address.
Be very careful with your first phone conversation. If you have given
your number without getting his, be sure that you ask for his number
when he does call you. You can bet that if he is married, he is calling
you from a phone other then his home phone, or he has some blocking
feature that will keep you from getting his number.
Remember, a married man is limited to calling at just certain times. One
clue might be that he always calls at about the same - like in the
evening after he has had dinner with the family. Or during the day from
his work location.
Men who have nothing to hide should be willing to share both their cell
phone number and home number with you. They want to be available for
your phone calls. If a man will only give you his cell number, and not
his home number, be suspicious. On the other hand, not everyone has a
wired phone these days.
If he is married, then obviously he does not want you calling him at
home. There would be too much risk of his wife or children finding out
about you. Watch the excuse that he always has his cell phone with him
and that's the best way to contact him.
If you call his cell number and seldom get an answer, but must leave a
message, that could mean he only wants to talk to you when he is not
around his wife, friends or coworkers. He can answer your message when
it's "safe" and after he has had time to devise a story on why he could
not answer when you called.
What do you think of a guy who won't give you his last name? You may
have contacted a married man, that's what you should think.
Married men tend to be very protective of their true names. They fear
that you could look them up in the local phonebook, or even find them
with an online name search. If he dances around and avoids giving you
his name… cut him off! There on too many good guys to waste time on that
bum.
Oh yes, there are married men who use aliases, so it is all the more
difficult for you to detect if he is married or not. Trust your
instincts, do a little searching in online white and yellow pages and
see if you can find anyone with that name. Elsewhere in this manual we
suggest online services you can use to check into someone's background.
It's better to be safe than sorry.
During your first contacts or dates, it is very understandable that
neither party wants to share their home address.
Once you begin spending more online time with each other, there is no
reason way you shouldn't exchange that information.
How might he avoid revealing where he lives? He may explain that he has
a roommate and would much rather go to your place. Sure, maybe his
roommate is his wife!
Married men will do just about anything to stay away from truthfully
talking about their background.
They may turn the tables on you, and make you tell them everything about
yourself. That shifts your attention from them to you.
Some men may just tell you that there is really nothing to tell, and
that they have led a boring life up until they met you. Ladies, if he is
not willing to talk about himself and his family and where he grew up,
then he is definitely trying to hide something from you.
If after some time has passed and you still have not met any friends or
family members - watch out. A married man does not want you to meet his
friends or family. You are an exciting little secret in his life, and
darn well better stay that way. Instead, you may find that you are
sharing your friends and family with him. When going out with other
couples, they will be friends of yours and not of his. Be very aware of
this. If he is not willing to allow you to even meet his friends, let
alone his family, then there is something wrong.
Women have to be very alert for the few irresponsible marred men who may
cross their online path. Meeting a married man is one of those risks
that women face when using an online dating service… or any other social
situation.
You should know this about every man with whom you have an extended
relationship:
1. His full, legal name.
2. All his telephone numbers.
3. The address where he lives.
4. His work address and phone number.
5. His mother's name and where she lives.
6. Some basics about his background - has he been married, does he have
children, is he a felon, does he have siblings, where was he born, is he
in good health.
None of these questions are too personal to be answered by either of you
if you have been acquainted for even a few weeks.
You can avoid the risk of wasting time with a married man by controlling
your emotions and practicing cautious and controlled online socializing.
And yes, everything we've written here can be used by a man who suspects
he may be communicating with a married woman.
> One can of paint turns to the other and says,
"Honey, I think I'm pigment."
For Part
Fourteen
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