PLANNING YOUR FIRST MEETING
So you've made contact with a nice person and spent some time
communicating. You've decided that they are worth getting to know a
little better, but what's the next step? How about a non-threatening
coffee date?
Agree to meet in a popular coffee shop like Starbucks where there will
be plenty of other customers. You want nothing out of the way or
isolated. Provide your own transportation. On these first dates don't
agree to driven by your date either coming or going.
Plan the date for the mid-afternoon or early evening an hour or so
before dinner time. You want the coffee date during daylight hours and
to be 20 to 30 minutes, no longer. Agree upon this with your date before
hand. Set a deadline time when the date MUST end! Also agree that you
each will pay for your own order.
Dress should be casual and comfortable. You want to appear well groomed,
but not overdressed. Men, clean your finger nails and (must we say
this?) trim your nose hair!
Plan well so you can be punctual and arrive on time.
First dates for many can be quite a nervous occasions. Your date
probably will be just as nervous, so relax and be yourself.
You will have about 20 minutes of conversation, so make a little plan on
how you would like the date to go. Think of some nice, easy question to
ask the other person. You must have learned something about him/her in
your contact messages, so you can build some questions or comments
around that information.
Break the ice with questions like:
How long have you lived in the area?
Where you born here?
If you could move to another city which would it be?
Do you take a vacation every year?
Where do you like to go?
Do you have a favorite food or restaurant?
Do you like sports?
Do you have brothers or sisters?
You have a nice name. Do you like it or would you choose another?
What TV programs are your favorites?
Have you seen a good movie or read a good book recently?
Do you like to see a movie in a theatre or wait until you can rent it?
Do you have a pet?
Those are ideas for getting the conversation started and your chit chat
should just naturally flow from the other person's answers. It's easy if
you listen carefully and show real interest in the other person.
Remember, talk about them. Don't constantly turn the conversation back
to yourself. If you are asked the name of your favorite restaurant, give
the name and then ask the name of their favorite. When they answer, you
ask what they like to order there. When they answer you ask if they like
it well done or rare.
Get the idea? People like to talk about themselves to a good listener.
You will learn far more about the person by listening rather than
talking.
Sure, you want to give honest answers and reveal a little about
yourself, but for this first meeting concentrate on learning about the
other person. It's important to learn enough to know whether you will
want to meet them again for another date. As the relationship builds
you'll have plenty of time to tell the other person about yourself.
What if you are asked a question that you feel is too personal for a
first date. Just laugh and say, "I think I should save that answer for
another time."
DON'T talk about religion, politics or controversial issues. Be sure to
read today's newspaper to have some material to fall back on if there
happens to be any silent periods or lulls in the steady flow of your
conversation.
Finally you've come to the end of the allotted time for your first date.
It is important that you both agreed upon the exact time the date is to
end. After 20-minutes of light conversation you each should know if you
would like to meet again for a similar date.
At that point it is perfectly acceptable for one of you to say your
really don't seem to have much in common, so thanks for having coffee
with me. That's the end of it with no hard feelings.
If the meeting went well you can ask if the other person would like to
plan another date in a couple of days. If they say no, just smile and
say you enjoyed the conversation… and goodbye.
You can see why this first date should have a definite end to it so
there are no hard feelings and uncomfortable confrontations later. Under
no circumstances should you go beyond the allotted time. Save some
excitement for the next date.
Be sure that any family or friends you told about this date are notified
when it ends and told how things worked out. Women must NEVER go to a
first date without telling someone and planning a "safe call" when it is
over. This is extremely important!
Meeting someone and getting to know them are two different and distinct
stages of any relationship.
Chances are you will have more than one "first date". Just remember that
anyone of them could be the start of something big!
> Little girl asks her Mom why the bride always
wears white?
Mom replies, "White is associated with happiness and her wedding is the
happiest day of her life."
Little girl asks, "So why is the Groom wearing black?"
THE RELATIONSHIP BLOSSOMS
You've had two or three coffee dates and now it's time to move to the
next stage… a going out and having fun date!
A memorable and unique date will increase your chances of growing the
relationship. Some of the best dates include those involving an element
of fun, intimacy and the discovery and delight of new experiences.
Now if your someone who thinks that a big night is playing video games
or drinking beer and watching "Survivor" on TV - snap out of it! You're
date is going to last about 10-minutes before she remembers she or he is
"supposed to be somewhere else!"
Deciding on a date requires planning. Don't ask, "What would you like to
do?" That's just exposes you as a boring person with little imagination.
Always make at least one suggestion. "There is a movie I'd like to see.
Would you interested in doing that? Afterwards we could stop for
coffee."
You've been corresponding with your potential date online, so you can
discuss some ideas, suggest a few and come to a mutual agreement.
Compromise and choose something that is fun.
You want to do some planning for your dates that makes them enjoyable
and helps to build the relationship. The more unique and creative they
are, the more memorable they will prove to be.
After you know each other for a while buying a disposable camera and
taking pictures throughout the date is fun. Then get together the
following week to look at the photos and have a good laugh.
Ice-skating and bowling - these are great if both of you have done them
before, or especially if one of you hasn't. It's a great chance to get
closer and have a good laugh together.
Concerts, dance clubs and theatrical plays are things you both should
enjoy.
The date shouldn't really be a competition, but if you're both sporty or
athletic, then trying something a bit more active might be appropriate.
Roller-blading, skiing (water-skiing), mountain-bike ride, hiking, rent
a row boat for a picnic and trip around the lake.
Is the relationship ready for some real excitement? Try bungee jumping,
white-water rafting, sky-diving, scuba (snorkel) diving or even take a
romantic air balloon trip. Just be sure one of you has some experience
in the activity so safety guidelines are observed.
Visit art galleries and cultural centers. Take a day trip to a local
town, a famous area, or even an afternoon class like yoga, Spanish or
photography.
Are you ready for real romance?
Stay home for the evening and write a love song together. It might be
about memories you share, things you like, funny traits each person has
or whatever your imagination comes up with.
Do something that's totally out of character and unexpected by your
partner. Hire a limo, whisk your friend off somewhere fancy with no
expenses spared. A romantic weekend after your partner has had a
difficult period at work or has been under pressure. An exciting way to
revitalize them and your relationship.
Plan a date where both of you dress or act as a character from a
favorite TV show or movie.
Sit on a hill top or out on the balcony and count stars (shooting
stars).
Dates that are enjoyable and surprising help keep relationships fun. The
more unique and creative they are, the more memorable they become.
If you're in a long distance relationship. Why not arrange a video-date.
You both rent the same movie and start playing it the same time, while
talking through IM. It's great if it's a romantic comedy.
Do you know something you could teach your partner. It might be
photography, an instrument, a sport or whatever. You'll get closer and
have some educational fun.
Why not keep a diary of your dating memories? Then during some future
special occasion, bring out the diary and spend a night reminiscing on
your history together.
To keep an extended relationship interesting plan on dining at every
restaurant in a particular area. Start with those whose names begin with
the letter A and work your way down to Z. Take a photo outside of each
establishment and build an album.
Create a list of 20 or so strange and unusual questions and get each
other to write answers and laugh while you read each others answers.
Look… just do a little work to keep a relationship interesting. That
makes it fun and rewarding for both of you.
> A woman is incomplete until she is married.
Then she is finished.
For Part Ten
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